Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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