Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
