I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need to align my fucking chakras
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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