Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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