i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
