Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
