Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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