11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a beard to bite.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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