Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
