Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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