Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
