guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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