the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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