Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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