How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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