I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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