ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
