JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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