It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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