3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
