Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
