I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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