yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The uberlube is also flammable
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
