The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
