woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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