so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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