I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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