hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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