I just threw up on my dentist
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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