Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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