That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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