Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
