living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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