Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
