Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
