Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
