How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
