No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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