so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
