Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
