I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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