Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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