If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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