I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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