My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
