what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
