Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup