So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize