The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.