so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
