Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

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  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (86) Good night (39124) Bad night (2104)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making

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  (609): The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making http://tfl.nu/k24g
  Replies (4) Good night (4654) Bad night (948)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.

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  (315): I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite. http://tfl.nu/f93w
  Replies (8) Good night (4358) Bad night (844)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.

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  (812): there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected. http://tfl.nu/s29p
  Replies (8) Good night (1155) Bad night (2938)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best

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  (847): I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best http://tfl.nu/7i53
  Replies (7) Good night (2189) Bad night (1387)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?

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  (405): All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/wsyz
  Replies (12) Good night (2454) Bad night (689)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week

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  (716): Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week http://tfl.nu/sqfo
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (1041)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or

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  (303): ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or http://tfl.nu/vwgc
  Replies (21) Good night (1848) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?

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  (212): I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin? http://tfl.nu/wy13
  Replies (5) Good night (1437) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.

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  (972): I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight. http://tfl.nu/5kki
  Replies (7) Good night (414) Bad night (883)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do

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  (734): If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do http://tfl.nu/wpum
  Replies (7) Good night (1338) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.

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  (904): I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night. http://tfl.nu/zawb
  Replies (1) Good night (304) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Can you bring me the toilet please

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  (802): Can you bring me the toilet please http://tfl.nu/af5u
  Replies (2) Good night (687) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.

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  (214): Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too. http://tfl.nu/2rql
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?

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  (860): Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin? http://tfl.nu/agf4
  Replies (3) Good night (439) Bad night (215)

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