Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.