Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man