So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
