You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
