last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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