my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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