I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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