i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
