is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
