hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
