I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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