Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
