i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
