he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
