is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
