I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
