Got a toothbrush?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
