I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
