I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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I just forgot I was standing up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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