my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
