You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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