i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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