im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
