if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize