so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
