I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have tasted many bathrooms
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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