i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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