Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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