nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
