non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
