she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize