Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
