dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
