Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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