dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
