i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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