My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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