i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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