You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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