Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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